Saying Goodbye

The front of our room.

Our flight was to leave at 10 p.m. Thursday night.  Thursday had been jammed packed with non-stop goings and comings - a stark contrast from the first 2 days in Country.  It was now time to say good-bye to the birth Country of my children.  Because we were not permitted to photograph outside of our hotel, I took as many photos of the hotel grounds as a keepsake of our short time here. 

The coconut tree outside of our door

One last visit to the hawk pet.

Parking lot of the hotel where we ran and played with beach balls

Driveway where we watched and watched just 3 days earlier to meet our sons.

Apartment complex overlooking the hotel compound.  Our only "view" of the outside city from where we stayed.

Courtyard

Pool where we swam with the boys hours after they arrived.

Walkway in front of the hotel rooms

We checked out of our room and waited in the courtyard with another mom from our agency and her 2 sons.  We were able to have a sketchy Facetime with family back home one last time before heading to the airport.  The boys were super excited to finally fly home with us on the airplane.

I forgot to mention that after dinner the night before as we dropped off the foster mom at her door, some of her neighbors were sitting at the street edge and saw the boys in the car with us.  They screamed out goodbye to the boys, knowing they would be leaving forever.  The boys screamed and waved goodbye back and Jedidiah yelled, "Goodbye!  I'm going home now with my white Mama on the airplane!"  It's the sweetest little thing he could have said and I'll never forget it.  It brought me to happy tears then and brings them back now.

Our in-country, agency staff and us ready to head to the airport

At the time, I didn't  really understand why we left for the airport over 4 hours before our departure but since we almost missed our plane, I understood later.  Once again their "time" is not American "time."  We had quite a HUGE adventure at the airport, that it made up for all my anxiety about arriving at the airport that had quickly subsided.  I'll not include them in this story so as not to paint anything in a negative light, but if you ever come over to our house and are interested, I'd be happy to let you read my journal.  I will tell you that I was left outside of the airport building with the 4 little boys (who didn't know a word of English) waiting for the other 3 to take care of business and 1 1/2 hours passed.  At night.  Surrounded by strangers.  No way to communicate.  Limited resources to entertain the boys and ensure that they didn't bolt.  Watching my clock and trying to figure out what I would do if they never returned.  When they did return, it was time to board the plane.  We were delayed once more inside the airport but thankfully the plane waited on the 7 of us.

As soon as the wheels of the airplane, tucked in the underside of the plane, I choked up.  It was final!  As I tried to keep my tears from falling, I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for answered prayers.  Our boys were finally with us FOREVER!

Full Day - Last Day

 After breakfast, the foster mom came to visit.  We had a gift for her that we wanted to give her and I had jotted down additional questions about the boys that I wanted to ask.  Once again she came in beautiful, brightly-colored, traditional clothing.  I took 3 videos of her talking with us about the boys, singing songs with them and sharing about their foster brother who came home last year and now lives 20 minutes away from us.  I gave her this Willow Tree figurine as well as a gift of money to show her the appreciation that we have for her in caring for our sons.  The boys, My Man and I gave her our final hugs of love and goodbyes.

Our lawyer and her 15 year old daughter came to pick us up to go to the outdoor market for quick souvenir shopping.  Once again I was not permitted to take photos but it was a fun, cultural experience.  Crowded, hot stalls filled with handmade wares of rugs, art, carved wood, jewelry, etc.  Venders yelling at us "Mama!  Papa!  I have just the think for you.  Look at this.  Come see.  You will like!"  She dropped us off with her daughter with the directions to bargain for prices but not to purchase anything until she returned.  We got each of the boys a nativity set (above) to give to them as wedding gifts.  We purchased wooden, carved fruit to put on our kitchen counter, jade bowls for the grandparents, baby dolls and bracelets for the girls and wire-made helicopters for the boys. 

We asked Jeshua and Jedidiah to pick out a wire-made vehicle for themselves.  Jeshua picked out the most enormous motorcycle that they had.  We laughed and explained he needed something smaller to carry on the airplane.  His heart was set on the huge motorcycle but they both settled for the smaller ones.  They loved playing with those motorcycles for the following 36 hours and never let go of them.

Here is the nativity set that we purchased for our family.

We quickly returned and re-packed our luggage to disperse all of the gifts that we had just purchased so that they would not break.  Our in-country staff came to pick up My Man and our luggage for early check-in, an easier way and standard way here to check baggage before arriving at the airport.  The boys were so excited to help load the suitcases into the vehicle.

They did not understand that My Man was checking in the luggage early and hindsight, I wish we had asked our in-country staff to explain this to them.  As My Man pulled out of the hotel with the luggage and not us, they started screaming and crying thinking that he was leaving on the airplane without us.  I tried my hardest to explain to them that he was coming back for us, but the language barrier prevented them from understanding.  With them sobbing uncontrollably, I wandered the hotel asking for someone to help me translate but could not find anyone who spoke both English and Lingala.  I can't tell you the emotions that I felt seeing how they totally understood that they would be coming home with us forever and seeing their desire to join our family in their misunderstood sorrow.  I was so grateful for their foster mama, knowing that she was the one responsible for prepping them for this very day.  How I wanted to reassure them of our permanency. 

Jeshua sat on our porch steps with an angry face, crying and throwing gravel for almost 1 hour, not wanting me to touch him.  Jedidiah crawled in my lap, sobbing until he fell asleep in my arms.  My Man was gone for 2 hours and it was a very long 2 hours.  I was able to put Jedidiah down on the bed and decided to try to divert Jeshua's sorrow by Facetiming family back home.  It was a sketchy connection but enough to excite him.  We saw both sets of grandparents and almost all of his siblings. He was inundated with Josiah - not sure if it was his blond/white hair or if Jeshua saw his big brother as a great playmate, but this was the first time that he mimicked English words.  He called out "Hello" and "Josiah" to the iPhone and loved seeing his face and theirs in the video.  So thankful for technology! 

I can not tell you the excitement that the boys had when they saw him return and I continued to reemphasize that Daddy had come back for us to take us on the airplane.

Konked out after the trauma of thinking Daddy had flown home without him.

Day 4 - Last Day

 We woke up with the boys, once again, crawling into bed with us to snuggle and giggle.  So much about the boys that the foster mom had shared with us regarding their personalities, we had already noticed.  Jedidiah needed glasses.  When he colors, he is very meticulous and careful.  Jeshua doesn't mind scribbling.  They both are silly, loud and love to laugh.  Jeshua loves to make his brother laugh all the time and is very competitive.  Jedidiah loves to hug and be held.  Jeshua is more independent and is the leader of the 2 (living up to his African named meaning "firstborn twin").

They refused to try oatmeal for breakfast, so I tried protein bars to no avail.  Wouldn't even taste it.  When they don't eat, they get grouchy and the mornings could get pretty rough.  I pulled out the peanut butter and bread and they loved smearing peanut butter on their bread, licking their knives, but eating the bread with peanut butter....nope.  Not gonna do it.  I had a small stash of candy - Smarties and Dum-Dums - that I would pull out every here and there.  They knew what suitcase they were in and would rummage in that suitcase saying the word for "candy" in Lingala.  We had to put the suitcases on top of the shelves to keep them from grabbing candy.  They found a pack of Smarties that had fallen out and started putting it on their breakfast...food art, I suppose.

 So breakfast turned into a craft activity instead of a meal.  Yes, this Mama was in survival mode.  Language barriers, jet lag, bonding and attachment in progress all equals candy on our breakfast.  Ironic thing is that they never ate it.  Well, shoot!

I describe our time in Country with the boys as Jekyll and Hyde.  I had read so many of the adoption books and really prepared myself for the worst.  These boys were not the 0-24 month olds that our referral had began as.  They had been in foster care a year and a half longer than expected.  They were fully aware of their adoption and understood that we were their parents and they would come home with us forever.  The challenges we faced with them didn't seem to be adoption related, but possibly twin related.  Have you seen Parent Trap where the twin sisters constantly test their dad's new girlfriend:  being mischievous, playing pranks, testing their boundaries?  Or have you seen the children in the reality show Super Nanny?  Let's just say there were similarities to our time in Country.  One minute there was laughter, tickling, snuggling, playing, and squealing with delight.  Soon after there were all the things above that added up to them telling us, "Let's see what you're made of!".

 I'll be the first to admit that there were times this seasoned Mama didn't have a clue what to do.  Well, let's just say LOTS of times.  I struggled with wanting to protect that bonding/attachment that I knew was going on, yet knowing that some of the behaviors we encountered were totally unacceptable.  When corrected, were they even understanding with the language barrier that was so strong?  We erred on the side of mercy for sure and prayed for a lot for wisdom.  God had a message for us as struggling parents in less than 24 hours and it was perfect timing...as usual!

Full Stomachs and Full Hearts

We came to a strip of buildings with outdoor eating areas and parked.  We were taken through a narrow, dark hall of the building and turned into a small restaurant.  The seating was very different than those in America.  There was a short glass-top coffee table with 2 armchairs at the ends and a love seat sofa on the long end.  The boys' foster mom arrived in bright, traditional Congolese clothes, a head turban and a beautiful smile.  I wasn't sure how the boys would react to seeing her.  I had heard of children clinging to their adoptive parents and hurting the feelings of their foster mother's by not being warm with them.  I had also heard of stories of children clinging to their adoptive mamas and hurting the feelings of their adoptive parents.  We entered the introduction with no expectations and I feel as if the boys did great.  They were sleepy after a long day at the hotel and hospital and it was late - about 8:00 p.m.  They talked with their foster mama and were warm and friendly with her but stayed sitting with us.

I can't tell you how delightful our meal was.  Our lawyer ordered a traditional meal of grilled chicken, cassava leaves (much like turnip greens or cooked spinach), French fries, fufu (similar to a ball shape of cornmeal mush), fried plantains, sliced bread made from the same flour as the fufu that looked similar to sliced boiled potatoes.  The condiments were mayonnaise and a very spicy chili sauce.  The entire meal was eaten without utensils.  A waiter walked around with a bowl, soap, and a pitcher of water.  He walked to each of us, gave us a squirt of soap and poured water over our hands into the bowl.  We washed and then used our cloth napkins to dry our hands.  Two men came to our table playing the guitar and singing.  The one singing had a disease in his eyes and appeared to be mostly blind.  His voice was amazing and his song selection was appreciated by all in the restaurant as most folks began joining him in singing, including our lawyer, her daughter and foster mama.  I wish I had a video of his performance.

Since the boys had not been very fond of packaged American food, I was thrilled to see them eat so much of this meal.  Everything was delicious.  Their foster mother was a beautiful person, inside and out.  She surprisingly knew a little bit of English and we learned that she was a cousin of our lawyer.  They both told us more stories about our boys and their background than we had known before.  The foster mom loved sharing with us about their personalities, daily schedules, likes/dislikes, etc.  We learned that the boys had been attending a French preschool this past year until 12:30 each day and had learned French and basic things from preschool (shapes, letters,  numbers) and had done very well.

She said that she had told the boys that we were coming on an airplane to pick them up this week and Jedidiah kept looking in the sky, watching the airplanes, thinking that they would land at her house with us in it.  We had a wonderful, invaluable time learning more about the story of our boys, meeting their mama of the last 2 years and showing her the thankfulness that we have felt in our hearts for her for so long.  We returned to our hotel at 10 p.m. with 2 very sleepy boys, full stomachs and thankful hearts for the events of the day.

Day 3 - The Good, The Bad, & The Not-So-Good

Our in-country lawyer came by in the morning to check on us and introduce herself.  The boys enjoyed saying hello and she re-emphasized to them that we were their parents and would take them home on the airplane soon and that they were to obey us.

 You can't really tell in this photo, but she's an extremely tall person - well over 6 feet.

 The boys refused to take naps in our hotel room but regularly would fall asleep wherever they were playing or in our arms.  Once Jeshua fell asleep on the concrete step of our room outside with cars in his hands.  This afternoon both boys fell asleep in our arms outside as we visited with our friends.  Jeshua woke from his nap when My Man needed to get a fresh shirt on from the heat (we were on the equator, you know?).  He had a hard time waking up and fell back asleep on the bed.  About 45 minutes later I tried to wake him and realized he had a fever.  I took his temperature and it was 104.  I emailed our agency in the US and within a few minutes we got a reply that our lawyer was on her way to take us to the hospital.

 

We needed to go to the hospital to make sure that Jeshua did not have malaria, as our flight out was scheduled for the following evening.  If he did have malaria, he would need to be on meds immediately.  This would be our first time outside of our "compound" walls since arriving late at night from the airport.  Our lawyer came within the hour and drove us with another young girl who was to assist us at the hospital. 

 

The hospital was fairly clean but looked as if it had been built in the 1950's without updates or renovations since then.  We waited in the waiting room with a handful of other people.  Our lawyer had been working around the clock to get our exit letters for us to leave the following day.  More importantly she'd been working to get the exit letter of our friends who had arrived 2 days before us and were scheduled for a flight out that evening.  As we were told originally, their "time" isn't like American time.  Things get done when they get done.  There's not always a rush to do things and making one wait seems to be commonplace.  As we had left our hotel, our friends had come to accept that their flight out that evening would need to be rescheduled until their exit letter was properly signed.  As we were waiting in the hospital waiting room, our lawyer received word that both exit letters had been signed and were ready for pick up.  I knew our friends would be leaving for the airport right away.  We missed a proper good bye but was so thankful for sharing our time in Country together.

 

Jeshua's name was finally called.  I went back with him and I could see the anxiety in his eyes when the nurse came.

 He held my hand tight and I had to hold him down as the nurse drew blood.  He screamed initially but quit as the viles were being filled.  What a tough kid!  I hated it for him but was so glad that I was there for him...and would be now always.

 

We came back to the waiting room to get Jedidiah.  He'd been giving My Man a run for his money, testing his authority in a public waiting room in a foreign country.  I took him with me and we headed back for his turn.  They wanted to test both of the boys for malaria just to be on the safe side.

 

Once again their opposite personalities shown through.  As the nurse was preparing his finger prick, he started screaming in a high-pitch scream.  His screaming continued before the nurse touched him until the finger prick was over and I told him it was finished.  I think he had been screaming so loud, he had no clue that it was over.

 

We headed back to the waiting room as a currier took the boys' bloodwork on a moped to the lab.  About 1 hour later, he returned and the doctor told us that both boys were clear.  No malaria and no bacterial infection for Jeshua.  What a relief!!!  We were given a prescription for Children's Advil to get at the pharmacy.

 

We offered to take our lawyer to dinner and she invited her teenage daughter and our foster mom.  Although I hated that Jeshua had a fever and we had to take him to the hospital, it did allow us to see more of the city from the vehicle then we would have otherwise.  He seemed to not have any other symptoms other than sleepiness and was quite a trooper!   As we drove, I tried to take in every detail of the sights, sounds and smells around us and journal then when we returned to our hotel.  This is the birth country of my children.  I want to be able to tell them as much as possible about what it is like as they grow up in our family.

Side note:  It is unlawful to take photos in this City.  The citizens do not like having their photo taken by foreigners and they do not like having their city photographed.  As I mentioned before, this was very hard for me, but having heard stories of families having cameras smashed or confiscated, we respected the cultural wishes and refrained from photographing outside of our hotel.

 



Spending Time Together - Day 2

 It was so nice to have cyber-to-in-person friends next door in which to pass time together.  Our children could communicate with one another and play, and we adults liked solving all the world's problems from our little gravel courtyard.

 It was so easy for us to realize that our boys' personalities are opposite.  Jeshua, who climbed to the top of the swing, loves adventure.  He's not scared of much.  He's daring, independent and loves to explore.

 Jedidiah, on the other hand, would love to sit in Mommy and Daddy's lap all day and snuggle. 

 At times when the boys were getting antsy, we would walk around our little compound, trying to communicate and observing all around us.

 

There was a pool that we swam in once.  The boys' personalities shown through and we had to watch Jeshua like a hawk because he kept dunking his face in the water intentionally while Jedidiah had to be coax off the steps to join us.

 Taking happy, giggling photos of the boys thrilled my heart after seeing monthly photo updates of them over the last 2 years with mostly solemn faces.

Getting to Know You

Our time in Country was so short.  We had only Monday - Wednesday and our flight out was Thursday at 10 p.m.  We knew it was safer to just stay put in our hotel as not all locals view adoption in a positive light.  My Man and I are kind of international country lovers, so it was hard for us to stay put and not explore the birth country of our sons.  At times, time passed so slow and other times, we didn't know where it had gone. 

 

We pulled out the toys and activities that we brought from home in hopes to entertain them and begin building strong ties with their hearts.

 

Big brother, Josiah, had sent 2 flashlight necklaces and made 2 Spider Man bracelets for the boys.  They wore their flashlights & bracelets 24 hours a day.  I would turn off their flashlights each night after they had gone to sleep.

Jeshua sleeping with his special things from big brother.

The boys wanted to take their new things with them wherever they went.  We guessed that maybe they were scared that if they let them out of sight, they wouldn't be there when they got back.  If we went outside to play, they would grab their action figures, trucks, bubbles, flashlight and blow up sword and haul them outside.  If we went back inside, they'd load up again, even when we tried to reassure them that they didn't need to bring them with us.  They slept next to us in a single bed together and filled the bed with their toys before getting in bed at night to sleep.

 

We introduced them to Lydia's games on my iPad.  They had touch screen overload and would just push buttons and the screen excessively so it was hard to show them how to play games or watch cartoons.  They were certainly button-loving-pushers.  We had to hide the remote control for the tv not because we didn't want them watching tv but because they would change channels for hours on end if we allowed them to.

Jet lag hit at times.  Here's 2 photos of Tim taking his jet-lag-nap and the boys stretching a slinky over him as far as it would go and then letting go and dying laughing.

 

They were super fun and silly and loved to be tickled and play monster-chasing games, but boy could they scream.  They have a high pitched scream like a girl when they play (or when they don't get their way) and at times I felt very sorry for our next door neighbors.  Hope they weren't napping also!

We quickly realized that Jedidiah probably needed glasses.  When we showed him the iPad or a book, he would put it super close to his face.

Aunt Rachel had suggested this Melissa and Doug book where you put water in a paintbrush and can watercolor over and over.  They LOVED it and fought to have a turn.  It was a great activity for them.

The boys loved to snuggle and hug us which totally thrilled us.  In the mornings they would wake up, look at us in our bed next to them and crawl in with us to snuggle.  I continued to feel like I was in a dream to finally be with my sons and show them the love that I had longed to give them for so long.

We had made a photo album of our family and home back in November when we were set to travel.  We were told to make one for the immigration in Country when we met with them.  Since it was not necessary to meet with them this trip, the boys enjoyed looking at the album over and over and hearing from us about their home, siblings and especially Daddy's tractor!

There was a small swing in the courtyard right outside of our door and we spent many hours there, visiting with our friends, playing with their children and passing time.

The boys were enthralled with electronics and selfies.  I took a video of My Man tickling them and playing monster and they wanted to watch it over and over.  The communication gap of languages was a frustration to all of us at times.  They weren't very pleased with eating foods from my suitcase (that the other Fish Sticks would have loved to eat - fruit snacks, squirt applesauce, protein bars, oatmeal, beef jerky, etc.).  I had purchased an app in their native tongue and I used that to learn words and try to communicate as best as I could.

 

Our agency and foster family had done a super job in explaining to the boys that we were their parents forever and that they would come to live with us and travel in an airplane.  We were so grateful for the family that they had lived with the past 2 years almost and that they knew we were coming to pick them up.  It made all the difference in our transition!

Hello Sons, We Are Your Daddy & Mommy

Our agency rep had told us that he would bring us the boys between 10 and 2, but then he added that in this country, when you say 2:00, it really means 2:00-5:00.  Gotcha!  Well it was hard enough knowing that they were coming any minute and waiting and waiting for that minute to arrive.  It was a strange feeling knowing that I knew every inch of their little, sweet faces but had never gotten to touch them...and now I finally would.  With each horn that honked to be allowed through the gate, my heart would skip a beat wondering if that vehicle held my boys.  We waited as patiently as possible, visiting with our NC friends and eating breakfast and lunch from our suitcase food.

 

Finally a vehicle arrived and a tall woman asked if we were the Fish family, toting 2 little fellas in striped shirts behind her.  Tim and I got on our knees and stretched out our arms, having no expectations as to how they might respond to us.  The boys, with solemn faces, fell into our embrace and hugged us for a long time.

I tried so hard not to cry and scare them, but the wait had just been too long and too painful.  There were too many times I had cried before, wondering if I would ever have the privilege to hold them, to touch them, to be their Mommy.  My fears were dissipating with their precious hugs.

Jeshua quickly showed us he was the exploring, independent, firstborn twin and started wandering around, checking the place out.  Jedidiah seemed more hesitant and shy and put his hands over his ears, staying in the chair.

We weren't sure if they had eaten or not, so we got some bread to offer them and sat outside, getting to know each other.  It was my dreams and hopes finally coming true.